Loneliness

I have always kept a place in my heart for God. Some days, I would acknowledge Him more than others. But not a day went by where I would not thank Him for his goodness. My thanks would not be, so much so, because I felt I was blessed. For the most part, we are all blessed. Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, prerequisites for a blessed life. No, my thankfulness first developed through blind faith. Being told, to be thankful, simply, because He existed. Told to worship Him, with the belief, He was God. Not really understanding, or feeling this supposedly cloud of joy, but accepting its existence, nonetheless. But with the day to day, trials and tribulations of life, your blessings can become so entwined in the rigorous fight for survival, you forget the basic blessings of life. What little faith and gratitude you do gain, if not cemented by his daily word, or spirit, enveloping your life, and grounding your every waking moment, you easily can be swept up by the darkness.

Everyone needs a pick me up when everything seems to be pulling them down. That shoulder to cry on, when no one seems to be in your corner to tell you it is ok. What I did not have, and what I desired most, was that someone. Someone who understood my pain, and my suffering, and who would not be taken aback, by the me, which presented itself internally. As we all say, someone, “who loved me, for me”, allowing, “me”, to feel loved and accepted (and by all means, do follow the bouncing ball of “me” in my accounts). For some, the acceptance of peers, family, or friends, would be enough. For me, I needed to feel that genuine, unconditional love elsewhere. And it needed to be a love that would swoop me off my feet, letting me know everything would be ok. Yes, what I needed (trite as it may seem), was my knight in shining armor. It is so funny though, whenever I found myself really agonizing over this overwhelming feeling, I would go to God begging for some type of relief (preferably in human form). But He would send me anything, but what I requested. A cat…, a dog…, an actual homeless man even (who I must say was a true friend in the end). Well, he was, human…, but really? Until finally, I had had enough of the Lord’s humorous intent in supplying my every need (oh so I felt it to be humorous), and vowed, nevermore, to will into my life stray rejects. I wanted something real, which would benefit “Me”. But you know that saying, when you are troubled, divert your attention away from yourself, and help someone else in need? Well this, I realized was my lesson for the “me” epidemic. The moment I began to utilize the compassion God blessed me with, it was that moment my life began to change. When I realized that each and every time I called Him, he answered. That He had a solution! And although He was not tangible, the solution was a physical something, or someone which, I could, touch! Not necessarily the solution I desired, but a solution, nonetheless, I realized, He – loved – me. How amazing is life when you realize that God truly exist? That He hears your cry, and, actually, takes the time, because he loves you, to answer your prayers. Now, when I try to console a friend, or family member, I tell them, “God hears your cry”. “He hears you!”  In 1 John 5:14, it says, we must have the confidence to know, not think, to know, whatever we ask of Him, according to his glorious power and might, He will hear us, and our request, will, be answered because of our belief in him. I believe, when we begin to seek him, it is that moment we truly begin to believe. So, if we stop focusing on the “me”, and focus on the “Him”, and seek him! What a glorious moment we would experience.

For the younger generation, or those who feel time is too precious to be focusing on God and prayer, I say think again. He is not looking for the perfect church goer, or the person who avidly prays. He just wants you to know he is here for you, anytime you need a friend. I used to think He was not enough, because I could not reach out and touch Him. Or hear an audible voice of Him. But when your boyfriend, or husband…, mother, or father are going through their own issues, and there is not enough time to recruit a friend, you always have God, the father. The only one who will come to your side because he has already loved you for a negative 280 days, and then some. You were not determined by a whimsical moment, the ticking of a biological clock, or life’s predestined goals. You are his child, and He is your Father. Numerous counts in the bible stating his love for those who seek his face, in which he would never leave, or forsake. In Psalm 10:4 it says for it is the proud who refuse to seek God. Those who believe they do not need him. I cannot speak for the atheist in the world, but for those of us who know he exist, and still do not honor him? I once heard a woman say, “I don’t know if God truly exist, but I’m gonna pray, just in case”. I would say that is a smart woman.