Proverbs 91

When we don’t understand, or have control over certain issues in our life, the depravity lends itself to our innermost being and compels us to display some of our not so better qualities. Babies, out of frustration, resort to tantrums. And adults…, well, we do the same, but on a larger scale. Sort of like the, “Tantrums 102 – Heated discussions” class, where we, unabashedly speak our mind. A study in the human capacity to learn the unhealthy lesson of the stealthy art of debate, mastered and unfortunately, second nature to many, when the need arises. The prayer, ” God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference”, would be so useful if we all put it to use.

One tries so hard to except people for their bad side and good. I know I do, since often times I’m preaching to give people the benefit of the doubt. Though, as God, being my teacher, and me, being imperfect, He always shows me areas in my journey where I can step up and be an even better woman. I find me asking myself, why I am so moved by one person’s actions and not the other. And if the reason I am moved is because of what they have done, or how they have behaved, then why am I unmoved by people who behave in the same manner… My mantra to consider people’s experiences of the past, due to it likely explaining their misbehavior in the present is what saves me from many a frustrating moment. The belief guards my heart and keeps me unfrazzled, and unharmed. In Proverbs 4:23, it says your heart reflects who you are as a person.  So, when the heart of the donor is not so pure, or the situation is so ridiculously malign to the point where I am bewildered, I find, my “frazzled” steps in and my “harm” is not too far behind. For here is where my religion is lost, and I become very frustrated. I would like to say in both situations, I am not scared. But I cannot. To different degrees, it all lingers. And it’s not so much because of the unforgiveness on my part, as it is the thought… The instant replay in my head of the situation. The feeling of the emotion experienced. Or simply, seeing a particular something, or someone which resembles the heartless and unbelievable moment when my world and how I view that someone, or something all change. I understand when people say I can forgive, but not forget. And yes, the devil has his own art of assisting the replay to formulate in our minds, but thankfully when we forgive, it inhibits our actions of belligerency and turns us toward being merciful.

Of course, later, we find ourselves coming to terms with our feelings, which is great. But what about the in between. What we do with those feelings until we get to that point?  Again, what we cannot control, or understand brings out our not so best qualities. I know of one situation in my life, where at the beginning, because of my lack of understanding, I was belligerent. But later, as I grew to understand the situation, as well as, the person involved, I became more tolerant. So, it is much easier to save face when you know before hand what you are stepping into. It’s manageable, despite the lingering, unresolved uneasiness of the situation. It’s the new stuff… the unknown which ruffles my feathers to no avail. For the known, I can quite myself, but the unknown, like a baby, I’m in tantrum mode and become very opinionated, trying to understand the situation. Making sense of the madness, sought to speak. Like children…, not being able to articulate, or fathom a resolution for our circumstances gives way to chaotic behavior…

My grandmother instilling in me at an early age, her enormous love for me, and the power of faith, diminished many of my struggles and frustrations where they were not as momentous as they could have been. As she rests in peace, it is my heavenly Father who continues to teach me the importance of impartiality and love. Showing me the err of my ways, I continue to strive to be a better person in all situations. I understand, more so now, what it is to turn the other cheek. To endure pain inflicted upon me by others and not be moved. To continue in battle. As long as I know God has my back, I don’t believe there is anything anyone can say, or do anymore that will move me from my frame of mind of being at peace. When I do encounter situations which I do not understand, I call on the holy spirit to guide me, while all along, constantly reciting Proverbs 91: 1-2, “ he who dwells in the secret place of the most high, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God in Him I will Trust.”.  I ask forgiveness for any wrong which I may have unknowingly inflicted on others and stay in peace. I’ve not quite unlearned all that I mastered in “Tantrums 102 – Heated discussions”, but day by day that number (if referenced to the degree of intensity of my discussions regarding uncontrollable situations), has greatly diminished and I give God all the glory…

CWB