2 Corinthians 12

In my journey, there have always been signs where God ordered my steps. These signs helped to remind me, I was not travelling alone. They were the reasoning needed, when confused by my circumstances. They were the confidence needed, when I did not believe I could do it on my own. They were the hand on my shoulder, which assured me everything would be ok. Just as Paul received the Holy spirits guidance, and admonitions in his travels through the various cities, so too the Spirit directs us now. And even though, with me, his presence was evident…, at the base of every mountain, paranoia and uncertainty always manages to set in when the tests seem too overwhelming. I’d wonder to myself, “Did I hear Him right?” “Is this really what he wants me to do?”  Great at the beginning, mind you… Gung-ho in every way… But when the fog starts to roll in, and I cannot decipher which way is which, oh my goodness, how my faith begins to plunder… With what little trust I had left, I ‘d find myself praying, “Lord, help me to be obedient, if this is truly what you would have me to do,” especially when it would take long to manifest. I’d say, “Lord, if I have misunderstood, please tell me what is it that you want from me.”

We are all human, with human tendencies. So, it is ok to slightly loose it, as they say, because the moment we do, “Loose it”, it’s God’s time to do His happy dance. It’s time for Him to show out! Last week, in my moment of plunder, I turned on TBN (It’s so weird when you hear a word being spoken, and you know it’s for you. You’re like, “Wow!”). It was James MacDonald who gave me the jolt this time. He said something to the effect, to let God do it in His own time. And on time, He was…, sending me a word, right when I needed it. Though I am getting better in my obedience…, listening to the Holy Spirit, not being afraid to step out of the box, this has been the longest of all hauls. It’s always the end of the test that gets to me. Impatience can appear unbecoming in our walk, but nonetheless, God loves us. He shows us through our test, that once acquired we will be stronger, able to weather the storms with a deeper sense of hope (Romans 5:3-4).

So, to understand my impatient circumstance, January of this year, (this story starts in 2014, but I’ll start from here, so as not to confuse you) after three years in Florida, my fiancée and I found a church, and began attending on a weekly basis (Yes… three years…That’s another story. And so is the fact I am living with my fiancée, and not currently married). The very first service was… I can’t even describe it, but I never felt such a connection, in the way I did that morning. It was the second, or third service of the year, and the entire church was participating in a ceremonial fasting. The pastor began telling the congregation of how the year before, he had promised himself, he would start on his book (first sign), but was, I believe he said a little disappointed, because he had not had the time to begin (It startled me because I was like, “Me too!”). Then (second sign), he started to speak on being pregnant (in the spiritual sense), and tears, just overwhelmingly started rolling down my face. As it happened, it was not long ago I had declared the very same thing…, “Being pregnant.”  I originally received this after listening to Joel Osteen. Pregnant would mean being filled with an expectancy, or better yet, a knowing that something was about to occur. My expectancy lay dormant for quite some time, because for me it was just a dream, a thought perhaps, but nothing that would ever manifest. But now because of all these validations of recent thoughts and conversations, I could see now, in some way, or another, it possibly becoming a reality. And though this was only a minute piece of the dream, for me, this was confirmation, given to me by the Holy spirit that it was time, as T.D. Jakes says, to “Get ready.”  Then, still not completely there (having a hard head and all, and still taken aback that anything, of what I am experiencing is even happening), he for some reason began to speak on moving (third sign), which at the time was the core of any, and all conversation revisited numerous times for us. We were having reservations concerning our living arrangements, and so, at one point in our many discussions, I stated God wanted us to move. Mind you, this being the second time, I was directed to leave a city (last time in 2014), Like Paul, in Acts 20:22, by the direction of the Holy Spirit, not knowing what was to come, I knew, just as I obeyed then, I was going to obey now even if it meant leaving my love behind. So, at this point you could imagine how fast my head was spinning, when Pastor Lonnie mentioned “move.” I couldn’t see straight, much less walk straight, for I knew it was time, once again. I was so filled with God’s presence, I think I literally slapped myself when I arrived back to our vehicle. Literally!! And he (my fiancée), laughingly, was like what the heck is going on with you?” … He was laughing… I was laughing, and crying at the same time (my usual reaction when I’m afraid or overwhelmed) …  I would say this was the height of my spiritual journey. And then, the whammy! The ultimate sign, “77”. Now I can’t remember all that was said, but he was teaching us the meaning on how this was the year of 7. But regardless of what I cannot remember, what I do remember is God was trying to tell me something.

Long short of it, after much deliberation, God sent the final sign…, transfer papers for my fiancée to move to Charlotte, North Carolina. “And there I was driving down the highway turning off highway 23, onto ……, get this!!…Route 77…. It took a quick second before I realized the significance, and the biggest smile showed up on my face. I was like “Wow! “There it was!! Highway 77. And, if that wasn’t enough, little did I know, Irma was not very far behind. Every time I would be asked later, “Where did you move from?” I’d say, in awe, “Florida, and just in the nick of time”.

Paul had reservations regarding whether, or not he should share his stories of the Holy Spirit’s assistance in his life (2 Corinthians 12: 1-12). For him though, I believe it had more to do with the way in which the Holy Spirit engaged him. Safe for me to say, I did not transcend into another realm, though the moment certainly had me in a frenzy. I don’t know much of anything accept what God leads me to discover. For me, I feel, if one person can receive an ounce of what has filled me these past years, I would be grateful. I don’t believe we realize, again, the Holy spirit is alive. For myself, earlier in my life, I always have known Him as a friend, a consoler, a warm spirit. But never like this! If God uses me to move the next believer into such a state as this! It’s well with my soul to boast of His presence in my life.

CWB