Awesome

A Child is Born

A Child is Born

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How wonderful the celebration of the newborn baby boy,

unrealized by the importance of His birth’s deploy.

Taking on the responsibility of what is to come,

a future, for this moment, only revealed to some.

A burden given, not by spite, but by right,

undoubtedly and dutifully, none thus far in such plight.

His true purpose holding the key of life,

a beacon for many, to embrace His light.

A light, a love, so warm, so new,

how the presence of one child can be so true.

I weep at the thought to hold him near,

for he too is my joy, but my grandson, my dear.

Happy birthday to my heavenly Father and Happy Birthday Nazir.

 

CWB

    Threshing Results Peace

    Threshing Results Peace

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    On the drive in to work Monday morning, I experienced an amazing sense of peace. Clarity so profound it was surreal. As I glared through the windows, I wondered with disbelief if someone had washed the windows of my car. There was a gentleness about the moment. A sense of peace illuminating the air. It was as if I had reached the mark of a new dawn. There were no worries, just an overwhelming feeling of confidence and peace for the future. I felt, regardless of the outcome of my current circumstances, I was going to be alright. At that moment I felt free… Freer than I’d ever been before. God was saying it was going to be alright…

    In the last week or so, my life unraveled revealing the many frustrations which held me bound in my past, and present. After taking in, all I had learned of myself and my circumstances this weekend, Monday morning, I was tested in the wee hours of the morning.  God, having knowledge of all the various circumstances which always left me bound and vulnerable, was on a mission to unshackle the untrusting me from my empathetic self.  It started with the feeling of no one acknowledging they loved me and meaning it unconditionally. In the past, these feelings were extinguished as I was thankfully blessed with a daughter in my earlier years who saved me, many times, from the feeling of loneliness and abandonment. Like many women bought up in dysfunctional families, having a child of their own awarded the opportunity for the child to be that person they felt loved them unconditionally. It sometimes allowed them the ability to function without the validation of being a woman when there was no one else in their life, particularly a partner, to stand by their side.  For me, it seemed whenever this feeling of abandonment and loneliness occurred is when my validation as a woman would be challenged. But on this day, I firmly stood ground and said proudly I am who God said I am. Beautifully and wonderfully made, the head and not the tail, and whatever was trying to enter had absolutely no power over who I was as a woman of God. God was my maker; my Shepherd and He would keep me from harm. And suddenly those feelings of inadequacy went away.  For the first time in my life, in regard to this feeling of abandonment, I stood my ground against the lies the devil and his counterparts were attempting to instill in me. And when thinking back to the message received this past Sunday, I realized this tactic was what was used against me my entire life.  Prior to feeling the peace as I drove to work, I preceded to my car knowing I was who God said I was, and this time I believed it.   And so, whether it was this revelation, or the fact of many truths this weekend setting me free, there was an astounding sense of peace this morning … somewhat like the calm after the storm in which I gave God the glory.

    As the week progressed, and the testing continued I found myself sweeping out everything which held me bound. A process which was similar, as I soon learned, to threshing. Something farmers did to separate the good grain from the grain which wasn’t profitable, or worth retaining. For without the threshing the harvest itself would be worthless, or invaluable. And so, after looking at every aspect of what was being threshed, it all boiled down to my fears. Fears of being alone, and therefore not being validated as a woman. Fear of being mistreated and taken advantage; talked about, ridiculed for not living up to the expectations of others. And lastly…, not fear, but the wisdom to, not only give to God, and forgive the issues which bound me due to other people’s insensitivities which angered me, but also to release them from my spirit, so that I could continue to walk in the light. Something I had not fully mastered, especially when the circumstances were so out there, I would find myself many times scratching my head wondering, “What in the world”.   I was basically sweeping out the dust bunnies. Those stubborn particles which, with every sweep, would 9 times out of 10 sail into the air only to find its way back to the floor where you would just have to catch it, and sweep again. But this week I was determined. For this was not the first time I experienced that sense of peace which surpassed all understanding. But it was the first time God revealed to me the steps I needed to maintain the peace, so that everyday was a peaceful day.

    I love my God because I know the long road I have travelled and how He has carried me, protected me, and supplied my every need along the way. I know the times I have become so angry with Him, it is shameful. But I know, also, how He has forgiven me and still strives to fulfill my destiny as He desires it to be. I am in awe of His goodness and could sit at His feet, days on end. And would, if given the opportunity.  My life has never been more richly fulfilled then when I seek God and yield to His teachings. All the tragedy’s I would ever experience could not remotely compare to the love I feel from my heavenly Father. I do not always understand His motives, but there’s one thing I do understand, and it is His love for me. It’s constant even when I don’t realize it. And those times I do come to realize, I realize as well, He was there the entire time just waiting for that opportune moment when I suddenly am apt to take that next step in my journey to yield to Him just a little bit more.

    CWB

      Something to talk about…

      Something to talk about…

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      “Declare his glory among the nations, His marvelous works among all the people… (Psalms 96:3).”  To have this opportunity…, to declare God’s goodness is a blessing in more ways than one. It first gives us the incentive to be mindful of the goodness he produces in our life. To anticipate His marvelous works.  But moreover, it allows others the blessing of hearing firsthand, how great, and powerful He is … still is, in our life. When we speak of God’s goodness and shout it to the rooftop, we are so elated it can be heard in our voices. Our whole demeanor changes once the thought of God’s goodness crosses our mind. Others, then, are able to see, and feel as well, his blessings manifested in our life. It is exciting…. seeing and hearing the works of God in the lives of others. If they are aware of his goodness and mercy in your life, then they know, just as it worked out for you, it can work out for them as well in their own.

      Patience is a virtue. A character, which if possessed, will allow you to see tomorrow, if God wills it, with dignity. I look back on the times I’ve lost patience with God, or myself really, and wondered, when will I do for myself what is needed. When will I persevere through the tougher times in life. I’m not talking about the times when there was no opposition, like writing a book…. Or looking for a job… These feats take stamina…staying power. Once you start, you continue until you are finished.  No…, I’m talking about those times, within those times, when we felt as though the walls were closing in all around us, and we could not breathe.  When the powers of darkness convinced us, we would not accomplish what we set out to do. Convinced us we would not accomplish what God has willed for in our life. Or when we felt like we took a wrong turn in life, and there’s no way we can get back on course. Or our character has been attacked and we believe all hope is gone…The times we feel like our only option is to jump ship. To give up and take a safer, less opposing path.  “[But, it is these times we] …need to persevere so that when …[we] have done the will of God, …[we] will receive what He has promised (Hebrews 10:36).” We need to allow ourselves time. Time to grow, to learn, to think, and to receive the grace He so lovingly bestows upon us in order to achieve what He has instilled in us to achieve. God discloses to us a plan he has for our life, but if we are not patient, we will never see it come to pass.

      Of course, we could, as I have witnessed countless times, view the same scenic route around the mountain, and never achieve the ultimate promise. But then what would we have to shout about? What fun would that be? I fancy the notion, God shielding me with his favor. I look forward to those times when he works in my life. In fact, It’s like a game. Life is so discouraging at times but knowing this gives me the grace to kick a bad feeling every time. I remind myself, One …. “This too shall pass.” … And Two …., once it’s all said and done, there’s no doubt, I will have something to shout to the roof tops… Something to praise my heavenly Father in doing what he does best in my life. I will have, in all his wondrous glory and marvelous works … something to talk about.

      CWB

        He heals and restore – Because He loves us… & He is our Father

        He heals and restore – Because He loves us… & He is our Father

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        God is an awesome God. I do not know how He does what He does, or why He is doing, what He is doing in my life, but I am grateful. Well…, I guess I do know why. Because He loves me. If taken note, we can see the many times, He has answered our prayers. He loves the humor in it all. It brings Him joy to see our faces, when we realize just how much He loves us. When we let go, and rest in Him, knowing He has it all under control. When we realize we are special, and important to Him. When we put all our cares, and trust in Him, He then touches every area of our lives. He will be our healer not only to our physical being, but to our mental being. And with that, it enables Him to restore our relationships, as well as any unwanted inconceivable situation we find ourselves. He is a restorer to all aspects of our life… big, and small.

        In our life, unwanted circumstances, when governed by our flesh incite disconcertment. We lose it…  All bearings, beliefs, and pottered being…, gone. Suddenly our lives are uncontrollable, spiraling into the walls of despair, with no opportunity to turn left, or right. God has formed you into this incredible being, and then inconvenient circumstances take it all away. We could try to change the circumstances, but what good would it do. Whether the fight be with man, or darkness, we should, instead, turn to God in prayer. In Psalm 37:4, we are told if we ponder on the word of God, and sanctify ourselves with the renowned goodness of God, He will then give us the desires of our heart. This holds true not only to our well-being, but the well-being of others. We should pray for those we encounter when their situations seem chaotic, or inconceivable. In Hebrew 4:16, it says let us approach God with confidence, so that we will receive the grace, and mercy of God when we are in need of His help. He can change hearts. And sometimes, in His own cognizant, He will intercede without the encouragement of our prayers. Out of love and concern, He will make our wrongs right. In Ezekiel 36, God, so frustrated with the Israelites, decided He would punish them no more. Instead, because of their ungodly behavior, He would show them, He is God, and change their hearts. They would look back, and see how shameful they had become within their actions, and, or way of life. If God can change the heart of a nation (which I believe He is doing today with all the scandals of sexual immorality), He can change the hearts in relationships. The how is in His almighty power. He has a pocketful of miracles for our problems, and unwanted situations. In Jeremiah 33:3, God spoke to Jeremiah and said, “Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” God sees, and knows all. So, we need not fear our circumstances, if we trust and truly believe in His mercy. Nor should we be afraid of His powers, all though it can seem eerie when He whispers secrets no one knows, or healings from impossible feats of reality. At times It scares even me… but I remember He is my father. He not only loves me, but will protect me, so I need not fear of His whispers, or what His course of action will be.  I simply abide in Him… Trust Him and wait on the holy spirit for guidance. I bear fruit. Like the fruit of the tree, it just appears. I abide in Him, and He gives me perfect peace as my mind is stayed on thee… not just on Sunday…but Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. He loves me. That’s it. Pure love.

        If we trust Him too heal that which is unrelenting, we can trust He will keep us safe, and help us when we need help. Relationships and unwanted encounters, or situations are always difficult to endure. We need Him in our lives. It is impossible to stand the test without Him by our side.

        CBW

          77- “Just in the nick of time”

          77- “Just in the nick of time”

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          In my journey, there have always been signs where God ordered my steps. These signs helped to remind me, I was not travelling alone. They were the reasoning needed, when confused by my circumstances. They were the confidence needed, when I did not believe I could do it on my own. They were the hand on my shoulder, which assured me everything would be ok. Just as Paul received the Holy spirits guidance, and admonitions in his travels through the various cities, so too the Spirit directs us now. And even though, with me, his presence was evident…, at the base of every mountain, paranoia and uncertainty always manages to set in when the tests seem too overwhelming. I’d wonder to myself, “Did I hear Him right?” “Is this really what he wants me to do?”  Great at the beginning, mind you… Gung-ho in every way… But when the fog starts to roll in, and I cannot decipher which way is which, oh my goodness, how my faith begins to plunder… With what little trust I had left, I ‘d find myself praying, “Lord, help me to be obedient, if this is truly what you would have me to do,” especially when it would take long to manifest. I’d say, “Lord, if I have misunderstood, please tell me what is it that you want from me.”

          We are all human, with human tendencies. So, it is ok to slightly loose it, as they say, because the moment we do, “Loose it”, it’s God’s time to do His happy dance. It’s time for Him to show out! Last week, in my moment of plunder, I turned on TBN (It’s so weird when you hear a word being spoken, and you know it’s for you. You’re like, “Wow!”). It was James MacDonald who gave me the jolt this time. He said something to the effect, to let God do it in His own time. And on time, He was…, sending me a word, right when I needed it. Though I am getting better in my obedience…, listening to the Holy Spirit, not being afraid to step out of the box, this has been the longest of all hauls. It’s always the end of the test that gets to me. Impatience can appear unbecoming in our walk, but nonetheless, God loves us. He shows us through our test, that once acquired we will be stronger, able to weather the storms with a deeper sense of hope (Romans 5:3-4).

          So, to understand my impatient circumstance, January of this year, (this story starts in 2014, but I’ll start from here, so as not to confuse you) after three years in Florida, my fiancée and I found a church, and began attending on a weekly basis (Yes… three years…That’s another story. And so is the fact I am living with my fiancée, and not currently married). The very first service was… I can’t even describe it, but I never felt such a connection, in the way I did that morning. It was the second, or third service of the year, and the entire church was participating in a ceremonial fasting. The pastor began telling the congregation of how the year before, he had promised himself, he would start on his book (first sign), but was, I believe he said a little disappointed, because he had not had the time to begin (It startled me because I was like, “Me too!”). Then (second sign), he started to speak on being pregnant (in the spiritual sense), and tears, just overwhelmingly started rolling down my face. As it happened, it was not long ago I had declared the very same thing…, “Being pregnant.”  I originally received this after listening to Joel Osteen. Pregnant would mean being filled with an expectancy, or better yet, a knowing that something was about to occur. My expectancy lay dormant for quite some time, because for me it was just a dream, a thought perhaps, but nothing that would ever manifest. But now because of all these validations of recent thoughts and conversations, I could see now, in some way, or another, it possibly becoming a reality. And though this was only a minute piece of the dream, for me, this was confirmation, given to me by the Holy spirit that it was time, as T.D. Jakes says, to “Get ready.”  Then, still not completely there (having a hard head and all, and still taken aback that anything, of what I am experiencing is even happening), he for some reason began to speak on moving (third sign), which at the time was the core of any, and all conversation revisited numerous times for us. We were having reservations concerning our living arrangements, and so, at one point in our many discussions, I stated God wanted us to move. Mind you, this being the second time, I was directed to leave a city (last time in 2014), Like Paul, in Acts 20:22, by the direction of the Holy Spirit, not knowing what was to come, I knew, just as I obeyed then, I was going to obey now even if it meant leaving my love behind. So, at this point you could imagine how fast my head was spinning, when Pastor Lonnie mentioned “move.” I couldn’t see straight, much less walk straight, for I knew it was time, once again. I was so filled with God’s presence, I think I literally slapped myself when I arrived back to our vehicle. Literally!! And he (my fiancée), laughingly, was like what the heck is going on with you?” … He was laughing… I was laughing, and crying at the same time (my usual reaction when I’m afraid or overwhelmed) …  I would say this was the height of my spiritual journey. And then, the whammy! The ultimate sign, “77”. Now I can’t remember all that was said, but he was teaching us the meaning on how this was the year of 7. But regardless of what I cannot remember, what I do remember is God was trying to tell me something.

          Long short of it, after much deliberation, God sent the final sign…, transfer papers for my fiancée to move to Charlotte, North Carolina. “And there I was driving down the highway turning off highway 23, onto ……, get this!!…Route 77…. It took a quick second before I realized the significance, and the biggest smile showed up on my face. I was like “Wow! “There it was!! Highway 77. And, if that wasn’t enough, little did I know, Irma was not very far behind. Every time I would be asked later, “Where did you move from?” I’d say, in awe, “Florida, and just in the nick of time”.

          Paul had reservations regarding whether, or not he should share his stories of the Holy Spirit’s assistance in his life (2 Corinthians 12: 1-12). For him though, I believe it had more to do with the way in which the Holy Spirit engaged him. Safe for me to say, I did not transcend into another realm, though the moment certainly had me in a frenzy. I don’t know much of anything accept what God leads me to discover. For me, I feel, if one person can receive an ounce of what has filled me these past years, I would be grateful. I don’t believe we realize, again, the Holy spirit is alive. For myself, earlier in my life, I always have known Him as a friend, a consoler, a warm spirit. But never like this! If God uses me to move the next believer into such a state as this! It’s well with my soul to boast of His presence in my life.

           

          CWB

            My Vindicator, My Shield…

            My Vindicator, My Shield…

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            Have you ever tried to understand how a person could do the very thing you felt was so undeniably wrong, you just could not understand their reason, and, or justification for their actions? When we initially meet people, we want to believe they are, who they say they are…, especially if they profess to be Christians. We forget though, despite their profession, they are still children of God, growing every day, to be better than they were the day before. And this is great, for as Christians, we are taught not to judge others. It is written in Matthew 7:1, “Do not judge, so that you will not be judged”. But …, what if we turned it around to read, “You will not be judged, if you do not judge”. The emphasis is no longer on what not to do, but what will happen if you do. The ramifications of our judgement, seem to be more profound. What if the only way to stop the madness attacking us, is if we stop the madness of judging others? What if we, were the cause of our own demise? … So, better to circumvent the circumstance of speaking, and or thinking ill of someone, lest it come back on us. In whatever regard, it is best not to pass judgement, for it is not ours to render, but the Lords. In Proverbs 21:2, it says “A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart”. So, this is nice to know, if ever we are stuck, and do not know how to behave in a situation, when it relates to whether a person is doing right, or wrong, that we can always give it to God. We may not know what they are going through, to enable them to act as they do, but God knows what it is that allows them, in their hearts, to justifiably act the way they behave. He is the only one who truly sees what is going on inside of them. God sees the true intentions of their heart.

            And if, by chance, they are untrue, God will fight our battles. Throughout Psalm 37, David speaks of evil doers who become extinct due to their choice of character. He encourages us to give these circumstances of injustice to God, waiting and, believing with assurance, despite the success of those who have offended us with their wickedness, that he will vindicate our injustice. And while humbly turning over the situation, without offense or anger, God will reward us with eternal prosperity to live, and to not become extinct ourselves. For he is pleased how we handled the situation in his care. After, you will begin to see God’s evidence of your vindication. He will even show you, in some instances he has accomplished what he set out to do. For the evidence comes to you, for everyone to see. Whether by coincidence, or firsthand, the demise of the person who inflicted you with such injustice will be revealed. And when you realize that this person is now experiencing the repercussions of their wicked ways, your first instinct is to rejoice, because they hurt, or offended you. But you are then reminded of who you are, and your place in the kingdom, as a child of God. For to delight in someone else’s misfortune, would only be acting out of character. You remember his grace, and the love God has shown you when vindicating your injustice, and so you pray that the person finds his way as well.

            We all can think of countless times we were unwillingly taken advantage of because of our vulnerability. Or rumors were spread in order to magnify someone else’s faux integrity. It would be so easy to curse this person, or situation, while justifying our words, or thoughts of anger in lieu of our tragedy. But there is no need for our joy to be disfigured. God has us. So, delight yourself in his goodness one day, and see for yourself his mighty power. When you realize his awesome power, and how he can truly work in your life, it will blow you away! He is your vindicator! He is your shield…

            CWB

              Who loves you more???  

              Who loves you more???  

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              I have always kept a place in my heart for God. Some days, I would acknowledge Him more than others. But not a day went by where I would not thank Him for his goodness. My thanks would not be, so much so, because I felt I was blessed. For the most part, we are all blessed. Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, prerequisites for a blessed life. No, my thankfulness first developed through blind faith. Being told, to be thankful, simply, because He existed. Told to worship Him, with the belief, He was God. Not really understanding, or feeling this supposedly cloud of joy, but accepting its existence, nonetheless. But with the day to day, trials and tribulations of life, your blessings can become so entwined in the rigorous fight for survival, you forget the basic blessings of life. What little faith and gratitude you do gain, if not cemented by his daily word, or spirit, enveloping your life, and grounding your every waking moment, you easily can be swept up by the darkness.

              Everyone needs a pick me up when everything seems to be pulling them down. That shoulder to cry on, when no one seems to be in your corner to tell you it is ok. What I did not have, and what I desired most, was that someone. Someone who understood my pain, and my suffering, and who would not be taken aback, by the me, which presented itself internally. As we all say, someone, “who loved me, for me”, allowing, “me”, to feel loved and accepted (and by all means, do follow the bouncing ball of “me” in my accounts). For some, the acceptance of peers, family, or friends, would be enough. For me, I needed to feel that genuine, unconditional love elsewhere. And it needed to be a love that would swoop me off my feet, letting me know everything would be ok. Yes, what I needed (trite as it may seem), was my knight in shining armor. It is so funny though, whenever I found myself really agonizing over this overwhelming feeling, I would go to God begging for some type of relief (preferably in human form). But He would send me anything, but what I requested. A cat…, a dog…, an actual homeless man even (who I must say was a true friend in the end). Well, he was, human…, but really? Until finally, I had had enough of the Lord’s humorous intent in supplying my every need (oh so I felt it to be humorous), and vowed, nevermore, to will into my life stray rejects. I wanted something real, which would benefit “Me”. But you know that saying, when you are troubled, divert your attention away from yourself, and help someone else in need? Well this, I realized was my lesson for the “me” epidemic. The moment I began to utilize the compassion God blessed me with, it was that moment my life began to change. When I realized that each and every time I called Him, he answered. That He had a solution! And although He was not tangible, the solution was a physical something, or someone which, I could, touch! Not necessarily the solution I desired, but a solution, nonetheless, I realized, He – loved – me. How amazing is life when you realize that God truly exist? That He hears your cry, and, actually, takes the time, because he loves you, to answer your prayers. Now, when I try to console a friend, or family member, I tell them, “God hears your cry”. “He hears you!”  In 1 John 5:14, it says, we must have the confidence to know, not think, to know, whatever we ask of Him, according to his glorious power and might, He will hear us, and our request, will, be answered because of our belief in him. I believe, when we begin to seek him, it is that moment we truly begin to believe. So, if we stop focusing on the “me”, and focus on the “Him”, and seek him! What a glorious moment we would experience.

              For the younger generation, or those who feel time is too precious to be focusing on God and prayer, I say think again. He is not looking for the perfect church goer, or the person who avidly prays. He just wants you to know he is here for you, anytime you need a friend. I used to think He was not enough, because I could not reach out and touch Him. Or hear an audible voice of Him. But when your boyfriend, or husband…, mother, or father are going through their own issues, and there is not enough time to recruit a friend, you always have God, the father. The only one who will come to your side because he has already loved you for a negative 280 days, and then some. You were not determined by a whimsical moment, the ticking of a biological clock, or life’s predestined goals. You are his child, and He is your Father. Numerous counts in the bible stating his love for those who seek his face, in which he would never leave, or forsake. In Psalm 10:4 it says for it is the proud who refuse to seek God. Those who believe they do not need him. I cannot speak for the atheist in the world, but for those of us who know he exist, and still do not honor him? I once heard a woman say, “I don’t know if God truly exist, but I’m gonna pray, just in case”. I would say that is a smart woman.